Big F's Big Adventure

**WARNING**
The content below contains explicit language. The sista's never, ever, ever, use these sort of words...ever. You have been warned.

So big F and I have advanced into the present century. We purchased a BlackBerry and are now texting our little (or in Big F's case big) asses off. Big F likes to send a bad word a day to Beez's NBF(non boy friend) everyday. It has gotten out of control. Which is the reason for this post.
This is what I live with on a daily basis. Even though he wanted nothing to do with texting, he has gotten out of hand. Please sit back, grab some popcorn and beer and enjoy this weeks conversation brought to you by Big F and the NBF.


Big F .....YO, do you missed me like the clap...hemorrhoid sucker

Big F.....YO scrotum sucker

Big F .....did you hear Billy Mays got rubbed out by the sham wow guy

NBF.....I am eating a hot dog with cheese...

Big F....I got your hot dog with cheese, (as big F grabs his balls)

Big F....suck a wong...quit playing with yourself

Big F....question when drinking from a bag of douche-should you count the lumps going down your throat??

Big F.......did you ever fuck a chicken??

NBF......never fucked a chicken but i would bang big bird hands down

Big F ...guess that means big bird was inside you then

Big F...i am scared of feathers ever since i digested one in my sleep

NBF....you smell like the balls of an Olympic hurdler

Big F...only one way you would know the smell of the balls of an Olympic hurdler

NBF...fiction or not, bird humping is just wrong...that's how you spread germs..fuck around and end up shitting feathers.

Big F...the feathers felt good until they tried to pass..

NBF....dude that's something you share with a therapist, or a priest...beez said we are having phone sex...i told her only if i was 300 pounds, yellow and covered in feathers((he then sent a photo of a big yellow vase covered with dots...))and said this is big bird's penis after the event, you gave him herpes..

Big F....that's not herpes that's where his feathers fell out..

Should I be concerned?
I am kinda getting turned on that my man with big ass hands can actually type on this thing. Is this what they call sexting????

God help us all if he wants to start twittering..........

peace
#2

Moving On....

#2 here.

Today is moving day for the Gman. No, he is not moving into one of the elders home, he will be moving on to an assisted living facility.

I would like to thank my sister for putting the life of herself and her family aside for the past 2 years to care for our father. Someone, and by someone I mean one of the elders told her just last week "you were giving a test and you failed miserably". Really? Failed miserably? Sista #1 was kind to her and told her to go to church where she belonged. I, on the other hand, would have told her to go fuck herself backwards.Twice.

Sista, you did not fail. You stepped up to the plate when no one else would.

I love you, I thank you, Big F and I think you did a wonderful job.

Nanny(blessing myself) would be so proud of you.

Peace
#2

"Welcoming Gift's"

Happy Tuesday Everyone!

Sista #2 here. I have been absent. I am sweating like a whore in church here in the Sunshine State. Temps over 100 degrees this past week and the sista is smelling like a constant cheese steak with fried onions. You all know that fried onion smell, don't ya? Well that would be me. Enough of my whining and on to today's blog.

The sista's have a tradition. It is a fairly new one, Little Big F came up with the name "Welcoming Gifts" by accident and it stuck. You visit me, you bring a gift and I give a gift. We are still working out all of the kinks. First kink worked out was gifts only apply to females, lesbians are encouraged. Gay men are also preferred to play. Beez best friend Pat would be a wonderful participant. He has great taste, is very trendy and would bring us fabulous gifts....I think I will invite him down.

Now the welcoming gift does not have to be extravagant by any means. Said gift does not have to be pretty, in fact the uglier the more appreciated and talked about the gift becomes. An ugly piece of cheap jewelry, penis lipstick, a purse, ice tea mix, flamingo cookie mix, you get the idea.........

When the family came to visit the Floridians a few weeks ago, College girl, AKA Career girl brought me a crappy gift . It is a gift to share with all of our future visitors in our home so I wanted to share it with you.

It's the Poo Log....A record keeper for your bathroom.

Now if you are an avid reader of our blog, which I am sure you are, you know my love of poop stories. They seem to follow me wherever I go.



The Glossary of Poo goes into great detail about the characteristics of each and every stool out there. Take for instance "The Clean Sweep". Synonyms for such poop ...Wipeless Poo, The Perfect Wipe, Mr Clean. In the cleanup phase, there is no poo residue on the toilet paper; some experts consider the "wipeless" poo to be the pinnacle of poo performance.

I don't know about you but I love a good Clean Sweep. Especially when in a hurry.


I am not a big fan of the D.A.D.S. poop. AKA Day after drinking stool.

Often comes in a semisolid state, and sometimes is accompanied by stomach discomfort; most notable trait is the tread mark left on the toilet bowl after flushing, as well as the distinctive bar-floor smell.

This is the shittiest poo I know I have expelled.

And then, after the pages and pages of poo types, it moves on to this...

And below are some excerpts of the week the spawn plus some invaded our home.

Top side has a Poo Quality Index...or as they refer to it (PQI).

You give yourself a score after you drop the kids off at the pool. Scores go from 1 to 3 for Delivery, Size Shape, Number of Particles, Smell, Number of Wipes, Post-Poo Sentiment.

Apparently Beez did not read the poo log regulations first book entry and all, she thought she was cool......This is all she wrote. I love bonfires. Really?? Do you light your shit as you light the bonfire???

Drummer Boy took a dump. Apparently he took a dump the month before I received the book while the book was at the store because the dumbass wrote the wrong date. He took this dump at night, duration was 8 minutes. Not bad. I don't know that I ever took a crap that was that length of time but whateva. He wrote....With the many vast varieties of junk food and garbage I have been eating today, I was rather pleased with the outcome. His turd looked like the state of Florida. He had a Florida poo. He scored an 11 on the (PQI).

oh look, Beez had to go again.....She obviously read the rules this time.....

Beez's poop lasted 4 minutes, it was a before dinner dump. She had to empty out before she gorged her fat ass again. Her unusual characteristics : Between the eggs, hashbrowns, whole wheat pancakes & bacon, this was a stinker! Her poop apparently broke apart on impact. She also scored an 11 on the (PQI).

And then came Eyekise......

She shit in the afternoon. She was in and out in 3 minutes. Eyekise took a goodbye crap for Beez and the NBF...(nonboyfriend). Hers stated: This is a goodbye Beez & Brian poop. It's weird, it looked just like a hand-waving. She had stragglers floating on the side too. She neglected to do the (PQI)....Jesus, do I have to tell them the regulations each and every time they shit? Eyekise, do not let this happen again.

And then some little bastard from little Big F's bonfire wrote this. The parents need to teach this child how to spell butt. If little Big F was the culprit, I take that last statement back.

At the bottom of each page it gives a poop fact. I am learning something new everyday. Did you know...The average person farts ten times per day, resulting in the release of 705cc of gas into the atmosphere? I can tell you I am not the average on this one.....lets just leave it at that.

Poo is made up of 10 parts water, 1 part bacteria(dead and alive), 1 part indigestible fiber, 1 part mixture of fat, protein, dead cells and mucus. And in Big F's case.....1 part dead animal.

Who knew??

College/Career girl, you've done good with this gift. Even though you would not share your shit outtake with us, I forgive you. You have more than made up for it with this shit-filled gift.

This book is full of useful information.

I give it 5 STARS.

peace

#2

Town Meeting

I'm a bit excited about this post. I wasn't going to write anything for the chance that I might jinx myself, but I think I am safe now and I can share my joy with all of you.

The Gman has worn out his welcome. This has been the hardest thing I have ever done in my life and I cannot do it anymore.Not by myself anyways.  So...........The elders had a meeting. A Town Meeting.

They have decided to put him in a home. The operative word is "they". There is an easy solution to this problem. Take him to your home, care for him and get back to me.

#1 is not asking for a weekend here or a weekend there any longer. #1 wants weeks at a time.

So they had a meeting.

I was excluded from their decision on where to place him. I haven't seen his new abode.

But in the words of Harry Kalis,,,,he is outta here.

I'm so excited, I cannot hide it.

So , as soon as the door closes I will be pulling up carpets, throwing things away and planning a par-tey.

So in anticipation of upcoming said par-tey I thought I should buy something to get everyone in the spirit.

I have come up with this...............

Pool Beer Pong.....how much fun would this be? I'm so excited I cannot hide it. Now of course I will not be putting beer in the cups for fear that my chlorine level will drop or shall I say that it will look like an elephant has pissed in my pool. However, there will be beer on the side when you screw up and have to drink,,,,,,suckas!!

I can just see the amount of fun one could have with contraption.

I'm so excited, I cannot hide it.

Now all I need is #2 to come out and visit so we can get this up and running.

I'm so excited, I cannot hide it.

#1

Girls, Girls, Girls

Ahhhhhh to be young again. Having these 3 young things here this week has brought me back to my youth. Kinda. I did not have a body like theirs, never had the long thick hair going on, was as white as a gallon of homogenized milk and I had a spawn or three by their age.

We have had a blast here in the Sunshine state this week. We have had photo shoots, trampoline contests, and as of today, they have yet to pants me.

Let me introduce you to the 3/4 of the clan of Sista #1 & #2.

From left to right....eyekise, beez & career gal.

They think they are Charlie's Angels......with fingers instead of guns.





They are a disgrace......where did they learn this type of thing?

Oh look, they stopped acting up long enough to get this pretty shot.

This is what I have had to look at all week.....

Took them to the Veterans memorial in town.....see, they can be good girls when needed.

yeah, so they can behave for like a minute....I turn my back and this happens.

Do you see the spit coming out of Little Big F's mouth? Look closely, the boy is spitting a loogie during a photo opt on the beach. They are such a bad influence on my little man.

I don't ever want them to leave.

peace

#2

Tantalizing Tuesday...Special Ed (ition)

Ladies and gentleman, boys and girls. Welcome to a very special week of tantalizing Tuesday.

Reporting live from the beautiful sunshine state are #2's #1 aka EyeKise, #2's #2 aka Beez, and Career Girl (#1's offspring). We have decided to throw in the towel, take a break from lounging in the sun and present you with three scrump-didily-umptious beefcakes that are bound to make your nether regions tingle. We have had the pleasure of admiring these hot bodacious hunk-a-roos for several years now, so we figured that it was time to share the wealth with our readers.

We know that every week we present you with men that are out of our reach. Unattainable, if you will. That one "sex card" that we have all come to know and love. These fine specimens, however, are the ones that have made us throw our B.O.B.'s (battery operated boyfriends) far into the realms of our closets. For them, we have made the ultimate sacrifice. These three men are the only fish that will float our boats for all eternity.

So without further ado, let us introduce our homegrown real men of genius. From left to right (names changed to prevent paparazzi): The Little Drummer Boy (aka #2's #1's fiancee), Rocco (aka #2's #2's NBF {non boyfriend}), and Big F, who we all know and love.

The Motley Crew

Those pecs are to die for

This way to the gun show ladies...

When I think about you I touch myself

You won't find this fabulous flab in the next issue of GQ

The names and plate faces portrayed in this blog are purely fictional. Any similarities or likenesses are purely coincidental.

Peace in the middle east.

EyeKise, Beez and Career Girl

Faking It

We all tend to fake things at times. There is the small child who fakes sleeping. There is the employee or student who fakes being sick after a rough night. Some women have fake boobs and I've believe there are some men who stuff socks down south to fake their size. And the mother of all fakeness is the almighty orgasm. However, orgasms are not the reason I blog today, faking is.

You see, the Book and #1 are virtually prisioners in our home. Mind you, I have Eileen all week taking care of the Gman and I am extremely happy that I can do that, but she does have a life and she does go home each and every day. While the Elders are out enjoying each and every weekend , there are no dinner dates, no parties, no friends for us. So the Book suggested over the weekend that we take a fake vacation. We tell the Elders that we are going away, and really not go away, just hang at the house for a week of fun in the sun. Not have to worry about a thing with the Gman. A whole week. Wouldn't life be grand?!!! The problem with this idea is I know how they think. They will meet up in their tiny village and decide that , yes, you can go away, but we will come to your house.

Balls.That kinda puts a damper on the whole fake vacation idea.


I have been researching and there are a plethora of websites dedicated to fake vacations. Who'd of thunk? There is even a photo generator for fake vacations. You can put your image in any spot in the world. I'm thinking Caribbean.

I am a silly girl. There is no real and or fake vacation in my future, however there is alot of alcohol in my summer. I intend to consume !

So my question to all is..........what have all our bloggers faked? Please tell us something that will take our breathe away, oh please. I love hearing how bad and dirty you all are.

#1

Tantalizing Tuesday

#2 here. Each week I beg sista #1 to feature this weeks piece of meat and each week she ignores me like a redheaded stepchild. This man makes my toes tingle, gives me goosebumps in all my girly places. Always has, always will.

Let me introduce you to my wild Irish Rose........

Bono. Mother of God what I would do to this Irishman.........for 30 years I have lusted over this piece of soda bread like that whore Barbie has lusted for Ken. Years ago, Nanny(blessing myself) lust for a man name Frank Sinatra.....I don't go for the eyetalians, I am an Irish gal and stick to my heritage. Oh Paul David Hewson if only I could get my hands on you.

I need to take a cold shower...........enjoy........................................................................................................................................................................Sista #2

A Motha's Day Gift

As you all or some of you know that #1 takes care of the Gman. What you don't know is that the Book has an Aunt and Uncle who are as old as dirt, maybe older. They never had the pleasure of reproducing and spending all their hard earned cash on the money hungry little buggers that they all grow up to be. No clothes, no cell phones, no cars with insurance, and especially no college. Lucky bastids. 

So it has been up to the Book and his Sister , mostly his Sister to take care of them. They live in Atlantic City, not around the corner for #1 but not horribly far. My SIL is much closer to them and has taken on the brunt of their care. God Bless Her !!   

Up until 2 years ago they were fairly self sufficient, then it started to go downhill. I guess at 95 things just aren't what they used to be. Enter their "Live-In".  Let's call her L.

L is a wonderful Russian woman. She lives there and takes care of Aunt and Unc 24/7. God Bless America. Otherwise they would be in a home.

L likes to buy #1 gifts. Why? I have no freeking clue.  I just accept with a smile whether I like or dislike.

When she called a few weeks ago and ask me what shoe size I was, I was puzzled.

She wanted to buy me a cute pair of summer sandals/flip flops for me as a Mother's day gift. 

A strange thing to buy someone as a gift. Shoes are so personal for me, unless you were able to get to Old Navy this past weekend for the Dolla flip flop extravaganza.

Anyhoodle, who am I to turn down a free pair of sandals so  I tell her my size, 6 1/2 sometimes 7  and this is what she sent me......

Good Lord in Heaven help me. These are so not me and I will certainly not be wearing these motha's. Now some of our bloggers might think I hit the jackpot with these babies, but sorry to tell you that you have shitty taste. I would sooooooo not go out in public with these. Career Girl (formerly known as College Girl) has suggested I wear them when I walk the dog. Ahem, no. Still not wearing them.  Maybe I can save them and give them to #2 when she comes to visit as her welcoming gift. Sounds like a plan.

Here is an example of my style and taste. I just purchased these a few weeks ago. I love animal print.

So now I must call L and thank her for the lovely footwear with joy flowing  from my voice. Can't wait!

Wish she would of just sent me a plant.

 

#1

Things That Go Burp In The Night

The holiday weekend is upon us and a fine holiday it is. The sista's wanted to share a thing or two with you. Like our Boobs.

Ok, maybe not "our boobs" but long ago, we had boobies like these. We know these boobs, we hate these boobs, these boobs remind us of days gone by. Bitches.

As we were preparing for our festivities for the weekend, we started to discuss different menu items and which ones stay with us for days on end. Ya know, burps.

For instance, when #2 eats a hot dog, she will burp it for 3 freaking days after the fact. #1 cannot eat jarred peppers, they repeat. Eyekise (#2's number 1) cannot eat Taco's, they come back to haunt her. Big F has a problem with roast beef....that comes back a few times to visit after he manhandles it.

When I was pregnant with one of the demon children, I ate a hot dog with raw onions. Good fucking golly Miss Molly I burped that thing for a month, That didn't stop me, I then ate chicken with raw onions and then proceeded to upchuck. Why oh why does it have to repeat ??? For some unknown reason, holiday party food likes to come back to visit and it is pissing me off. I invite you to come once, I certainly don't want you returning the next day for a repeat performance and leftovers.

We want to know, what food comes back to haunt you? Which ones are so freaking good going down only to regret them hours later. Are we all in this quandary together? Are there some who can eat anything and not have returning guests?

Let us know......we value your input.

P.S. don't think we haven't been keeping up on our old friend Kate Gosselin....we have. We have an arsenal of hatred ready to go.

Have a great holiday weekend!

peace

The sista's

Tantalizing Tuesday

Does everyone have a movie or maybe a few that you can just watch over and over again? Well, #1 has a few.

Terms of Endearment
What's Eating Gilbert Grape
That Thing you Do

There is one more that I am obsessed about and that brings me to TT.

I personally never heard of him until this movie. I haven't seen him in another movie but I still love him.

He stars in Moulin Rouge with Nicole Kidman and holy shit , can he sing. He can sing to me anytime. Or just stand there while I play the soundtrack. I have watch this particular movie a number of times and can never get enough of him.

Ladies and Gents , let me introduce you to Ewan McGregor.

Isn't he just the most?

ENJOY!

Aunt Flo, go home!

I hate my Aunt Flo. She has been visiting me for a very long time, and I'm tired of her. I am a middle age , hot, sexy woman and I am done. The. End. However , every month she continues to show the fuck up. Get lost woman !!
Every friend that I talk to , their Aunt Flo has gone and has never to be heard from. Me? Not so much. She shows up and KILLS me. I'm like a wounded soldier. Gushing.

I want menapause to come and take over. I do not want Aunt Flow any longer. I want to bannish her from my life. Please.


Why, oh why does she continue?

The Doctor's don't know what the fuck they are talking about. Can't they do something? Stop the madness , the clotting? People I need help !

So, if anyone has any suggestions, please feel free to share.

#1

We Have A Dream

Everyone has dreams, some are scary (like tornado dreams...not me, just saying) , some funny, some make absolutely no sense whatsoever. Big F had a dream the other night about his dad. Something about a Buddha being the wrong color, $175.00 and some change.

Same day, he was cleaning out the Hot Wheels room, what, doesn't everyone have a Hot Wheels room? He came across a few things from my brother that nan (blessing myself) had given me after he passed away. There was a little bar beer glass ( like we drink that stuff), a harmonica, a comb, his business card from when he worked at WFIL radio back in the 70's and a Pennsylvania lottery ticket from May 7, 1991.

The numbers were a little faded but readable. Numbers had to do with his dad. He won't give me any more information because he said the dream was not to be shared with anyone. I said....well you told me right? You told your brother, right? and I can almost bet he told Florida boy...he tells him everything.

So back to the title of this post.

The sista's have the same dream, everyday.

We want to be invited to the "Lodge". Oh, you all know what lodge we are speaking of. It is this lovely little place in Oklahoma, where the winds go sweeping down the plain. Or something like that.

Sista #1 is a redhead. She wants to meet her sista redheads.

Sista #2 on the other hand, wants to body surf on these fabulous this marble aggregate product counter tops. #1 knows of my body surfing skills, she will confirm, I am good.

We have tried all of her recipes, entered all of her contests, #2 has been reading her blog from way back when she had 20 comments. #1 has even pre-ordered her cookbook on Amazon. We cry each and every time we see another visitor there. We weep with envy. Why not us we say? We can be country. We can do ranch life. maybe. We think the reason we have yet to get our invitation is that we don't home school, breastfeed, and when old enough, we throw shoes at our children while they are running from us with their bitchy teenage voices. The sista's are chameleon's, we can act appropriate in different living environments. Really.We.can.sorta.

We think http://thepioneerwoman.com/ would love us. We could add a little Philly spice to the ranch atmosphere. Shit, we would even bring our own beer and wine.

She even made soft pretzels with Bakerella. Now this is one recipe we will certainly NOT try. She wants soft pretzels? No prob. I can grab them off a homeless guy on my way to the airport that morning.

You see blogging is like high school. You are either in or out. If you are the in crowd you get invited too all the parties, and if you are out, well you know how that feels. The Sista's feel like the geeks in the movie Sixteen Candles. #1 is that manly gym teacher and #2 is the girl with the brace around her mouth. We just want to be invited.



So please PW. Please invite us. We'll be your BFF's forever. We need everyone of our readers to rally for us. Write a post, write PW, whatever it takes. We need to go. We need to live our dream.





Peace

The Sista's

Tantalizing Tuesday

I would like to thank Sista #2 for jumping in and taking over TT last week. Prince was an excellent pick , although some of our readers quivered.

Over the weekend the Sista's daughters went to see this fine young gentleman. I've heard of him, but never seen him perform. A good time was had by the girls and they came home with birds floating around their heads and hoagies from WaWa.

Ladies and Gents let me introduce you to Dane Cook.

I must say he is uber cute.

Enjoy !!

Another Special Day

As Mother's Day is fast approaching there is another special day that we all , and when I say we I mean, all our special blogger whores friends.



The Sista's are so busy writing about the Gman, poop, farts and or gas that it almost completely slipped our minds on what day today was.



Today is our anniversary, of our blog that is. Yes as painful as it may be to all we have survived an entire year entertaining you with our mishaps.



Let's all rejoice.



There is no giveaway like others do. Instead we would like you to show us some love.



Make the Sista's happy and let's see how many comments we can get. Lurkers, come out of hiding, show us your name and speak your mind already. Let's get that goddamn counter above 30.

So in leaving all our fine friend we would like to leave you this video clip. It is the Sista's favorite anniversary song.

Enjoy !!

The Sistas

Here's the Poop.

#2 here.



You all know I am a fan of gas. I am. In the past, I have blogged about poop and farts. I know, we are so classy. For some unknown reason, it follows my family around. It sticks to us like glue. Where ever we roam, we have it, expel it, or someone in our immediate area has it and finds the need to share it with us. Which brings me to why I blog today.



#1's only daughter (College Girl, soon to be (next Saturday) College Grad) and I have a little game we play with personalize license plates. We see one, we snap a photo of it and send to each other. STBCG finds a ton more in the big city on her travels than I do. Rednecks don't really put those fancy things on their lawnmower cars. It's not their style. If we had a contest with photos of vehicles held together by duct tape, I'd win hands down.



So today when I got my daily dose of emails from STBCG, I got all excited about her big city finds of the day. Only today, it was not about personalized plates, it was about one of my favorite subjects.............poop.

Notice the pile of poop in the lower right hand corner. STBCG knows how to make me laugh. And I laugh every time I look at this. This is just the excuse I would use if I was pulled over because I may, or may not have gone through the camera light.....once.....while driving #1's car.

I hope the famous Dr. Zibbs http://thatblueyak.blogspot.com/ starts selling these in his TBY store. He is as classless as us which is why we love the geek.

peace

The sista's

Tantalizing Tuesday...preshow....

Hello everyone!!! Sista #2 here with her first ever edition of TT. I am writing this today as I have a day off from school and tomorrow, I will be racking my brain on yet another final exam.

This week's tasty treat is a huge, I mean huge secret crush of both the Sista's. He makes our mouth water. The sista's are like two teenage girls whenever we mention his name. We are not quite sure why he makes us tingle the way he does, we don't question the tingles, we relish them and move on. This gentleman is eye candy for both men & women alike.

Let me introduce you to the man who makes us hard. Yeah, I said hard.Can you feel it? you know who we're talking about, dontcha??


The mysterious man, who was named Prince, then changed his name to some sort of a symbol and then back to Prince again.

ohhhh yeah......come to the sista's Mr. Prince. Let's Pretend we're Married. Let's go Crazy. Take us to Paisley Park in your little red corvette. Show us what it sounds like.....When Dove's Cry.

Helllllllo, tonight we are gonna party like its 1999.

God Bless America.

The Sista's

Make up your minds already !

#1 here. How is everyone this fine Friday?

The other day I was in the supermarket to pick up a few things. Yes, I do occasionally go into the market. I leave the big shopping Saturday to the Book. After I purchased my items I noticed at the courtesy counter that Parliaments were buy 1 get 1. I'm there.

I go to the counter and the woman carded me. Seriously?

She says that they need to put a birth date in. Really, couldn't you just make one up.

Lately I have been treating myself to the movies. Why not. I have Eileen, I can go shop, bar hopping, whateve. I'm becoming ask grandma j with her Friday matinees. Thank the lord she is back on track with her Friday's. She was fucking my weeks up there for awhile with her Friday matinee on Tuesdays. Geez GrandmaJ !

Anyhoodle back to my bitching. So I'm off to the movies by myself, yes by myself. I enjoy the alone time plus I needed new swimsuits so I went to the theater in the mall.Kill 2 birds with 1 stone. I saw the Soloist. Good movie, depressing.

On the way home I stopped at WaWa for coffee. For those of you not in our Tri-state area, WaWa coffee rocks. Blows Dunkin Donuts away.

I get home and go outside for a smoke with my freshly brewed coffee. I start thinking. Hmmmm, today's feature presentation only cost me $6.00. Last week , at a different theater my movies was $8.00. Could this be? Did that bitch give me the Senior Discount? Oh no she di-int . She didn't even ask me for ID !!

I got my hair done. Looking fab if you're interested, cougar like, lost a few pounds and even went down a size in a bathing suit and she thinks I look 62??!!!!

I then went out and bought a case of beer.

Now we all know what happened to the last place that wanted to give me a Senior discount.

I'm just saying.

#1

Tantalizing Tuesday

Good Morning all! It's fucking hot here in Pa and my pool is not opened yet. Why would it be? It's April for crying out fucking loud !! I had my heat on last Monday and today the hounds are wearing me down about the A/C. Even Rosie is walking around with her tail down and sulking.

Today's TT will not be someone sweltering like the weather, rather it will be a real man, real life. A few of the Sista's male readers have left comments about the men we choose. You fellas know who you are.They want someone REAL.

Ok, I will give you somewhat real. Well almost real anyways.

This funny guy has been in numerous films, always playing the same type of character.

Guess what, I don't care. He's cute, he's hilarious and he looks like the type of guy you could just sit around , have a beer and shoot the shit with. Although I do love him, I prob would pass on his bath water.

Ladies and Gents, let me introduce you to Vince Vaughn.

See, no muscles, no six-pack, a little flabby around the boob area.

But isn't he just adorable ?


Are you happy fellas?

Enjoy !!

#1

Once upon a Time...

There once was a store that #1 adored. It's name.....Country Junction - World's Largest General Store.

Yes peeps, it was the world's largest fucking general store, tucked up in the Pocono Mountains.

#1 got there whenever she could, would spend hours upon hours. It really was the World's Largest Fucking General Store. I think they should of added the word Fuck to their sign.

Anyhoodle, back to my fairytale.

Country Junction was a friendly store. Your pets were welcomed go shopping with you. Rosie always loved to tag along and just smiled as I would sit her in the cart. Amongst all the inventory they had they also had farm animals outside for those who wished to see. Not #1's bag of tea, or beer or wine.

Last time #1 had visited, she decided to stop , while shopping a get a coffee. Their cafeteria was wonderful and their coffee was to die for. They had a theater in there always playing a disney movie or whatnot for the kiddies.

So , coffee is self serve. No problemo. I purchased some vanilla cappuccino concoction to keep me going for the rest of my shopping trip. I proceed to the checkout.

Young whippersnapper at the register. Bitch asked me if I wanted to use my Senior ID.

WHAT??!!!

Now, I know my age. I am 52. I look damn good for fucking 52. And remember this wasn't recent, I was prob 49. But senior citizen discount?

Fuck you , you little bitch who prob doesn't even have your period yet!

Well, needless to say #1 made a commotion.

I got my coffee for free.

Country Junction burned down.


End of Story.

#1